When Misplaced Emotions Interfere at Work
Women often forget to take of ourselves first
Often my work involves addressing the many emotional reactions that employees experience to being abuse at work. While I will never discount the very understandable emotions that folks feel, it’s also important to keep things in perspective and that’s where I come in.
Women are especially conditioned by society to place others’ interests over their own. While this can make sense in certain family contexts (but not always!) it rarely helps when dealing with how to respond to workplace abuse. So here are a few common emotional responses that can interfere with self-preservation.
I want to maintain positive working relationships. This is typical “good girl syndrome”, where some women think that simply defending themselves at work or asking for severance or some other benefit on your way out the door will “rock the boat”. Newsflash: they have *already* messed with your working relationship. Time to put that aside and ask for what you want and deserve.
I am concerned about my staff. This can often come up when a manager has been bullied out of her job and she is concerned about those she is leaving behind. While this maternal instinct is understandable and laudable, you are no longer responsible for those folks. And guess what? They will be fine.
I am worried about all the external relationships I built up. Often women are worried that the organization’s reputation will suffer once they are gone. This is probably the hardest one for folks to let go of. Yes, you did a great job building all those relationships that were key to your organization’s success. But guess what? The leadership of your organization doesn’t care. Any damage to their reputation due to your departure is on THEM. So repeat after me: let it go.
Again, it’s totally understandable to have these reactions. Then you have to find a way to put them in a box and focus on the most important person right now: YOU.
Do any of these sound familiar? Have your own emotional reactions to share? Let’s hear them. Need assistance getting over them? Find me here.