Devaluation and Discard at Work
The next stages of workplace abuse leave you dazed and confused
I have been writing about the 10 stages of covert abuse at work.
Next I want to explain devaluation and discard: when the boom is lowered and you often have no idea what has hit you.
In the typical cycle of narcissistic abuse in the romantic context, these stages involve first tearing you down and then ultimately leaving the relationship.
In the work context, devaluation can come in the following forms:
Insulting your performance in meetings, events, and other public spaces (I have a client who was publicly insulted at a trade show.)
Unfair and/or rigged performance reviews (happened to me)
Placing you on a dreaded “performance improvement plan”
Questioning how you got your job in the first place
Whisper campaign behind your back questioning your skills, etc.
Making a mountain out of a molehill, such as minor mistakes
Getting blamed for everything that goes wrong
Sham investigations into some made up or exaggerated behavior
Gaslighting when you try to stand up for yourself, denying you are being insulted, calling you “too sensitive”, making you question your own reality.
This treatment is designed to weaken you and ultimately to break you. In a weakened state, you may start making more mistakes, or get upset, maybe even “lash out”, and then that gets used against you too.
An alternative form of devaluating is a smear campaign that is happening behind your back, so are given no opportunity to defend yourself.
Then comes lowering the boom or discard.
This stage is usually where you get fired. I have had numerous clients contact me while they are still employed, being abused daily, and within a few days, they are terminated. They usually saw it coming but it still sucks. It can even be a relief, and it still sucks because it’s all so unfair.
Other times, the termination is a complete surprise, in which case you were probably the target of a covert smear campaign. Or it could also be a demotion or being removed from your team, or some major change designed to disrupt you.
In my case, it was a demotion, completely out of the blue, no warning, and guess who took over my job? Yep, the man who orchestrated the covert smear campaign. But I didn’t even realize it when I was demoted, that’s how covert he was; he kept pretending he was my friend, and I was so thrown I could not think clearly enough to see what was happening. I was tossed into chaos; that’s what psychological abuse does to you: it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under you.
And then you’re desperately trying to understand what the hell happened?
Next time: the mobbing and betrayal. Stay tuned.
Do you need help navigating a toxic workplace? Contact me here:
https://www.workplacetraumalawyer.com/